Angela

It’s Christmas morning here in Australia. :-) Anyway I first posted here on Friday, July 24th, 2009 and I just wanted to submit an update. So here follows another moment purging of my pent up angst, in this wonderful sharing environment where I know people will “get” where I’m coming from.

I’m sitting here with the eldest of my three sons – Tom, 12. Tom suggested I write my feelings down again, in this
“safe place” after I had a bit of an emmotional meltdown. I got quite worked up last night (Christmas Eve here in Australia) about my parents and the WCG “no Christmas experience.” My feelings were churned up this Christmas Eve more so than ever, as I was having flashbacks to how I felt at Christmas when I was Tom’s age.

When I was Tom’s age my parents had just left WCG, and consequently my childhood family was celebrating our first Christmas. It’s amazing how when your children are going through the age that something sigificant happened to you… that it brings back the memory that you had of your own experience at that age.

Anyway I was getting more and more stressy last night as my parents were coming over to celebrate Christmas with my children and I — and I really didn’t want them at my place. They are in consistent denial about how the WCG impacted on me and themselves, and I detest “putting on appearances.” I am upset and I couldn’t express it to my parents… the people who I REALLY need to hear my grievances.

But I long ago came to the conclusion that they will not listen, they do not want to know me and they’ll project their own conclusions about my life as they like. Well, I rebel against the misrepresentation of life as they do it. I rebel against the bullshit way they live a lie. I am blatantly honest about everything. My parents were walking through my front door and I had to put on a front to create a pleasant Christmas celebration for my children and husband. All I really wanted to do was bail them up and give them an idea of how much pain they caused me then and now.

My darling husband and Tom came to my aid… and helped me through the night. They hugged me and loved me and let me sook and let me vent, and gave my soul some comfort. ‘Cos thats what hurts… my soul was bruised by my parents’ WCG choices. Anyway I’m honest about the pain and angst it gives me, and that honesty helps me heal. Thirty years after my parents left the WCG I still struggle with the repercussions of my childhood WCG existence.

5 thoughts on “Angela”

  1. Just looking here for a friend and saw your post and didn’t want to ignore it. I think one of the thing that infuriates me the most about the whole WCG experience is that it is told in the words of those who see it as part of their spiritual journey one way or the other, but that often means denying how things actually felt for you and many others. Perhaps that is why this site is so very valuable, although in the end our real freedom is to live our own stories whether our family are able to hear them or not.

    I am really sorry for the frustration and entirely recognise it, but I am also so pleased for you that your husband and son wanted you to be yourself. Perhaps the way all this will finally resolved will simply be that such a frustration won’t be experienced by that next generation.

    I think it is important to acknowlege the seriousness of the mistakes of religion without any space for doubt or appeal against authority, because if you fail to do that you simply open the way for future abuses of authority. If we can take a very real and heartfelt determination to be more careful and determined to protect our freedom to think and be who we are, then we have preserved a value that was bought at a very costly personal price. To not care for that, even if we don’t always explain the reasons why, would to me be losing sight of what we actually experienced – so feel your anger, and then love your son and live your life freely. (And if you need and want to say what you feel, do that too, but not necessarily in any expectation that it will be understood by all.)

    So understanding and support from here.

  2. I understand what you’re going through. I joined the WCG survivor’s site on facebook to vent and it really helped for a while. Later, I noticed the site was taken over by bible thumping. I pointed the irony of a religious survivor’s group being taken over by religion… I was attacked by the Reverend Lucifer, Piggy the giant head, SS Shirley and others… The last thing a victim of religion needs is to be thumped with a bible or have the people who hurt us, re-victimize us. It’s so sad that people are unaware of how they’re hurting others.

  3. I can’t belive this site is here! I still remeber the appocolyptic nightmares I had as a child having to stand at the edge of firey hell trying to fight. And no matter what every holliday is very painful. I went to the churches private school in pasadena for one year my sister went her whole life. My grandfather worked under mr armstrong in the 80’s My family worked in the church.My mother left as a teen and returned when I was about 7 as a single never married mom we were allways looked down apon unless we were with my grand parents cuz every one knew them.But I was the out sider in the church and out sider in the world. I was born from an act of sin and I was never alowed to forget it. I’m crying my ass off right now. I honestly donmt know what I belive any more I have beeb an athiest for years. Right now I dont care I’m trying to fix my self for my kids and seeing this sight gives me hope now I know I’m not alone and it wasn’t all my fault

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