Trent Simons
I am absolutely flabbergasted by this website’s existence. Sue, your story might as well have come out of my mouth. I often told people I’d not wish my upbringing on my worst enemy. I was a minister’s kid that grew up in this church. I was also born in ‘59. My father was “called” into the ministry of the WWCG in ‘66 and ordained at Squaw Valley, CA in front of thousands of others spending 10% of their yearly income on a week of brainwashing.
I attended SEP summer camp in Orr, MN twice at ages 12 and 14, and went to the Pasadena campus of AC in ‘78 at age 18. I was kicked out for lying about a drunken rambunctious night after one semester. I moved to Edmonton and began a 15-year binge of alcohol and drugs, at one point including needles in my arm. I think I was trying to commit suicide by partying. The humiliation put on me as a result of my parents faith to this church was… well, humiliating. The fear-based, shame-based lightning-from-heaven control was all-encompassing. I was not allowed to associate with “pagans” from outside the church. I remember in grade school, sitting alone in the classroom of 30 kids drawing pictures of non-Santa-related material as my classmates all got into Christmas. That and countless other situations made me desperate to feel a “part of.” All through high school, ridiculed for being the only one with short hair and not allowed to join the football, soccer, hockey teams, etc. because the practices interfered with the Sabbath. I could write a book— maybe I should.
I’m a recovering alcoholic/addict with 6 years of sober living in Mexico. My parents quit the church in about ‘95 and are in their own form of recovery. They deeply regret bringing me up this way. I was beat in the name of God. (”Spare the rod and spoil the child.”) I have wondered countless times why I didnt end up a homicidal maniac, or suicidal, or further off the deep end. I feel grateful to have retained my marbles, only having retained a deep burning resentment against God, my parents and the WWCG. Having found my own higher power through a twelve step program I’ve let go for the most part my resentments against my parents, they were just pawns of that fucking cult. I’ve put out the fire but I dont know if ever I’ll be rid of the smoldering remains that are forever etched in my memory. This church has distanced me from my family— I think I moved to Mexico just for distance. But spiritually I’m not close to them. I feel for them, because they feel the pain too and have realized it was all very very wrong, but I can’t fully forget all the beatings and humiliation. I was made to drop my pants in front of my sisters and grab my ankles and get hit with a wooden paddle and told I was loved. “We love you and this is why we are beating you.” Any kids I grew up with in this church are all fucked up; I’ve contacted some of them from time to time over the years. Any other ministers’ kids out there? Prince George BC from ‘69 to ‘75, Edmonton from ‘75 to ‘83.
Sue’s reference to the movie Carrie is creepy for all the similarities. Religious zealots blindly following doctrine with no regard for common sense. Does 30% of your income not ring any warning bells for anyone with common sense? I was an alcoholic waiting to happen and at 18 grew my hair long, got a pierced ear, started dealing drugs, and felt an immediate sigh of relief when I was acccepted by all my party friends and felt “part of.” Not a whisper of mention of the church, I intended to go to hell, hard and deep. At 6 years old I found my penis and masturbated myself to sleep nightly till my late 30’s. I was like a three-balled tomcat in my twenties, screwing anything with a skirt. My mind is racing through memory flashes triggered by [Sue’s post]. I really should write a book. Does anybody think there is a class action lawsuit possible against a cult in here somewhere? The pain and suffering outclasses lots of winning cases I’ve heard about. I wouldn’t mind a couple million for my pain. Sue, I may actually get closure on this shit in my mind as a result of finding you and others like us. Write me or look for me in Skype or MSN. I’m in Mazatlan Mexico and waiting for someone’s reply.
Sincerly,
Trent Simons
August 30th, 2006 at 6:35 pm
Trent………….. My wish is that you stay sober and take care of yourself. There are so many things I would like to say but there is just too much hurt left. I thought things would get better but with 20 years having passed since I left the cult I still have so much hatred (i wish there was a beter word) for HWA and others who knew exactly how they were controlling us. I can not however, blame those fathers and mothers who were true believers. They, like me, were totally blinded to their actions. I am not making excuses for them or myself. I deeply regret the way I treated my children. I hate myself for it every day. I also thank some higher power that my children have much love for us and have forgiven us for much of our behavior towards them. My four children are grown now and have made us grandparents and we are so proud of them. Trent, I really hope you find some way to have some relationship, however small with your family. My guess is that they hate those times every bit as much as you. Take care of yourself and choose good friends. I have to quit now as the memories are still terribly painful.
September 3rd, 2006 at 6:30 pm
Trent,
My Dad, two of his brothers, my Grandfather, and three of my uncles were Ministers in WWCG cult. I was born in 66′ and my Dad and his brothers left in 77′ or there abouts, do to differance of opinion on basics that the church was teaching. I still have extended family involved.
The whole experiance has scared and shaped me. I went from a total rejection of God to becoming a believer again. With the caveat that it is a God of my understanding, not the God of my father.
I feel that there must be a whole lost generation that has been broken by the experiance of being raised within a cult. Now that I’m older I sit back and try to glean some meaning out of the whole experiance. I don’t hold my parents responsible, they were trying to do the best that they could at the time, with what they had, and that had to be some intense group think.
After we were out, I remember the whole Jim Jones thing, I was young but it scared the living hell out of me, it haunts me now. How close were we to that, or Pretoria, or the percieved second coming, just drink the Kool Aid. I’m just about to finish Jon Krakouer’s book, “Under the Banner of Heaven” and it is creepy because of the familarity of it all.
I’ve read about the Lost Boys of these Polygamous idiots and I think I’m a lost boy too. It really makes me sad and want to do something to help. To be indoctrinated and cut loose, to a world you have been taught to think of as evil is the cruelest, and itself most evil thing to be imagined.
Through all of my experiance I have come to distrust organized relegion just on general principle and have a problem with authority. That didn’t make life easy for me for a long time. I think age has mellowed me a bit, but I am fiercely independent and foster critical thinking in my kids. Life now for me is just trying to find some balance, spiritual, monetary, love, the Tao of being.
I’m a philosophy major in college. I guess my hangover to the whole experiance is that I’m still in the pursuit of truth, where ever I kind find it. I know for sure that if anyone on earth has got the hotline to God, run far and run fast.
I wish you peace, when I read your posting, it struck me. I had been to Squaw Valley several times for the Feast of Tabernacles. I remember listening to those boring sermons and looking around the skating ring. I wish there was another site that had some shared experiances of people like us, I would like to know more, fill in the gaps.
October 16th, 2006 at 8:08 am
As I scroll through these stories, yours especially, Trent, I am struck by one common theme: perseverence. We grew up in a fear-based, greedy goblin of a church - and the fact that we are able to speak against it after being hypnotized into immobility - THAT is amazing. That we have persevered and beat our own demons and learned from our experience…that’s what God is. At least to me. Good luck to you, Trent, and I hope you are enjoying Mexico! I’m jealous - it’s really cold in Indiana today! Take care!
May 27th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
Trent,
I was raised by parents who went to WWCG in Baltimore, MD church. Yes, the church had it’s problems but come-on. At some point in time you gotta grow up, pull your bootstraps up and be a man. Blaming your parents and the church, get a grip man.
My parents were strict too. And yes I got my butt smacked. But it was done in love. It sounds to me that you had/have a very rebellious attitude.
By the way, I don’t do drugs, don’t hardly ever have a drink and I have always had a very good, loving relationship with my family. In fact, when my father was ill and dying I moved in with him and took care of him until he died. He was one of the most loving men of God I have ever known.
Yes, I have had a few bad memories of a few things that happened while in WWCG but I don’t dwell on them and blame them for me being a dumb ass. The dumb ass things I did growing up were no one’s fault but my own. If you write that book I have a title for you “Dumb Ass Things I Did & Blame On Ohters”.
June 1st, 2008 at 10:58 am
You know Less Coulson… My own brother went insane, and I have little doubt it was because of what was done to him at the WCG. He’s in an asylum today, laying in a bed stained with blood, feces and urine. He can’t just “get over it” anymore.
Yes people need to get over it … but people ought to realize that you can’t pull that kind of shit with kids without tremendous suffering and pain.—and people have to work through it. A little understanding regarding these burnt children and their struggles in life is not totally unwarranted.
I can understand Trents problems with drugs alchohol etc. etc. Its an all too human reaction to an intolerable situation. An escape, which unfortunantly, leads to premature death.
It’s a lovely thing the way this organization has melted away — truth be told it was too stupid to survive. But it left a great deal of human wreakage in its wake. For those who survived, and many didn’t, it is important that they reclaim their humanity from the monsters who tried to steal it from them. They are puny monsters really, absolute fools, fiends and maniacs who deserve our laughter more than our hate– the sun is already hard at work dissolving the leperous mass and bleaching the bones of the dead. We are still tickled trout and fools of nature… but an occasional look at the face of heaven and earth lays all our petulance to rest … and the fathomless power and beauty of life in which by some miracle, we still have faith, has more power than than any puny monsters ever could.