Name Withheld 3
I am spinning right now. I have always felt like such a freak, and I always thought it was a mixture of my up-bringing: the alcoholism, the poverty, the lack of affection, and “the church” was just an ingredient in the painful childhood that I try to forget. The more I read, the more I realize that most people in “the church” grew up with the same backgrounds.
Today is the first I have realized that the church may very well be a cult. I was raised in the church from the day I was born, leaving it the day I turned 18. My parents are still members (of a splinter church that has kept the same strict teachings as Herbert). I remember throwing up when I was 5 because I was fasting, and my stomach couldn’t handle it. I remember being nauseated at 8 years old because I accidentally ate pork, and felt like I had let God down.
I can’t explain to other people how hard growing up in the church was. It was more than not having Christmas or birthdays. It was more than having to explain to everyone why you had to miss school for holidays no one had ever heard of. It’s more than long Saturdays in a hotel room. It was being raised to believe that one misstep and you were banished to hell. It was being raised to be an outsider; everyone else was wrong. Everything was pagan. It was being isolated from the entire world.
I never attended prom. The church had its own version; of course, there weren’t many attendees. I never got to take my SATs; they were held on a Saturday. I wasn’t allowed to date. I couldn’t participate in any sports; practices and games were on Saturdays.
After growing up in “the church”, I cannot find religion. All the religions out there are a contradiction to the way I was taught. It is akward for me to even listen to people talk about God, much less worship with them. I feel like if I went to church on a Sunday, I’m doomed to hell. If I celebrate Christmas, I am doomed to hell. If I get pepperoni on my pizza, I am doomed to hell.
Is it any wonder that we all have alcoholic tendencies? Did anyone else who grew up in the church grow up in an unloving home? I never heard an “I love you” from a family member in my life. Is this part of the church as well, or is it just more of my luck?
Explore posts in the same categories: Personal Story
May 18th, 2006 at 8:23 pm
Of course, the WCG didn’t have a doctrine of Hell in the sense that many Christian sects do— eternal torment. The WCG taught “annihilationism”— that the unrepentant would be resurrected only to die a second and final death in the Lake of Fire.
It saddens me that your family was never able to express their love. While I’m not certain this type of thing is “caused” by the WCG in particular, it can certainly be exacerbated by sects like WCG that emphasized authoritarianism and isolationism you describe. I also think it varied a lot from region to region and minister to minister.
May 21st, 2006 at 12:06 am
I am thinking that the WCG attracted a certain type of people, ones who already lacking (at least some basic morals of not beating their children), who found a home within the doctrines and beliefs of WCG that justified themselves and their actions. Only my opinion of course, not true of every member, but certainly true of too many. But I wonder when people will stop blaming ‘the church’ for they things they did and start placing SOME responsibility on their own actions. Here, I am talking about the adults who joined the organisation, they chose, chose to follow, chose to inflict. Teaching their children some kind of twisted, half-truth of right and wrong. And rather than face themselves, would rather bury themselves in a splinter group to continue justifying what they’ve done - I know my parents do.
May 22nd, 2006 at 3:14 pm
I don’t think WCG was a “club” for those who wanted to abuse their children and only attracted abusers or alcoholics. I believe followers deep down believe that what they were being taught was the right way to live. I just found out this week that I was raised in this cult during the 70’s and 80’s and I am having a HARD time getting past this shock. I blame my parents and the church for influencing my parents. And I am not just talking abuot physical abuse, the church taught way more screwed up values than just that. I am not wanting my parents to “own up” to any beatings, I want an apology for robbing my childhood. A time that should have been fun and love, instead of living of fear of the lake of fire and demons all around me. I have spent the past week attaching all my believes, way of thinkings, and habits to what I have researched on this site and similar sites. It sickens me to realize that I can blame the church and parents for my screwed up views.
August 2nd, 2006 at 3:06 pm
Name Withheld 3:
You told my story. Thank you for that. I wonder how many of us there are?
August 13th, 2006 at 5:59 am
It seems there are many of us with the same story. My family has the attitude that the past is the past, get over it, but it’s not that simple is it? Fortunately for me I did hear I love you’s and I can’t imagine not having that, although so many actions did not back it up. I wish you better luck on your journey and some peace of mind.
September 17th, 2006 at 11:22 am
How could we have heard the words, “i love you”? When our parents were being battered from the pulpit and counseling sessions? We suffered as a result of their fear from trying to “avoid the appearance of evil” (i got so sick of that phrase!)
Probably religion isn’t what you need. But numbing yourself, covering your pain with alcohol isn’t either. You’ll just get into a deeper and darker hole. If you can’t believe in God now, believe in yourself and your existence and your importance on this earth. Heal your broken soul by focusing on helping animals like I do, or support whatever you have a passion for. Underpriviledge children, abused women. All of us who grew up in the church understand their pain and can help them. I will probably never recover from the depression I’ve experienced since childhood. But, I won’t let a bunch of mis-guided, domineering men determine how I live the rest of my life!!!
Be strong. You aren’t alone. A lot of us suffered along with you and understand what you’re going through. Lots of love to you.
January 2nd, 2007 at 4:17 am
I also was raised in WCG from birth. I know all too well of the sacrifices made to remain in good standing with the leadership. Church came first before family, job, or anything else. I remember going to camp in Orr, Minn. and meeting Mr. Armstrong and honestly believing that he was the greatest human being on earth. I feel that the members truly believe this doctrine to be the only truth and they are brainwashed. I know this because I was also brainwashed even as a child. Thankfully we had a new minister that came and his name was Gary Smith. He is still a minister in one of the off shoots. There was something about him that I didn’t like and I ended up leaving the church at the age of 24. This was in 1993. Now that I look back I am thankful that I quit, but I do not attend church at all now. I can’t seem to find a religion that feels right because of what I was taught growing up. I also couldn’t participate in school sports or have much contact with the outside world. I had a very strict mother who would be considered abusive in this day and time. I was wondering if there is any type of support group for former WCG members who were raised in the church
January 22nd, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Well..to begin with I was also - raised in the WCG. Wow, sounds like an AA kind of thing my friend talks about…lol. We were all ripped off of our childhood and our parents were ripped off when it came to tithing. I am not the usual former WCG I guess…in that I DO believe in God. I do NOT however believe in the WCG. It is because of H.W.A. and GTA that I seriously doubt I’ll ever trust another organised religion. I believe only what my Bible says, not some man standing behind a pulpet. I rejoice that I left out of there at the same time over 60% of the youth left. I know that because the WCG mailed me a letter asking me to reconcider and return..lol. Yeahhh….RIGHT!(insert sarcasum here). I understand you all petty well…but I refuse to give HWA or GTA enough power to turn me away from God. I left the WCG - not God. God had nothing to do with that mess HWA created and I recognise that. Don’t get me wrong - I don’t judge you, I left too. But I am not going to give those two old farts any more power than they deserve….I make my own choices and fact is…I did not lose God because I left the cult. I wish you all well in your walks of life, I just wish we all had a better, kinder and moral start. My support is in The Holy Bible, my comfort is in my soul as I am never alone — Jesus Christ is here with me. This may come as a shock to some of you…but Jesus had nothing to do with those two manipulative power hungy freaks named Herbert W. & Garner Ted. No need to be empty and depressed - your not alone. Not ever alone. The door was OPENED for us ALL to get out while the getting was good. That did not happen all by it’s self. Weather you believe in God or not is up to you - but don’t blame God for the actions of an idiot name HWA. THAT ain’t right - not anybodies book. Just think about ya’ll. That’s like laying the blame of the war in Iraq on George Washing. It makes no sence…one has nothing to do with the other. PEACE FRIENDS!
January 22nd, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Julie Kay,
Actually, I believe that many ex-WCG people do believe in God— probably far more than have become atheists such as myself. Look for their sites and you will find them.
But as far as I’m concerned, the Bible was written by “old farts” at least as farty as HWA and GTA and the result, the Bible, is at least as risible as the WCG.
January 24th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
I grew up in the church too, I know a lot of us who did. We all have our “crosses” to bear because of it. I know now how lucky I was though, my parents loved me and showed me that love (although I did receive a lot of spankings when younger), I missed a lot of school activities but I count myself lucky that I did have Y.O.U. to fall back on and I had wonderful friends there and we clung together to survive. I loved going to camp, because I don’t think I would have had those kind of opportunities without it. I went to Orr, MN three times!
My friends and I knew that something wasn’t right, we saw the hypocrisy of ministers and deacons etc. Maybe being in the midwest saved us the most, we weren’t exposed to the Pasadena way of doing things. I think I also survived because my mom’s parents had had a bad experience in the 60s with church doctrine, so she was less likely to crack down on us kids. My dad I respect now completely. He was only doing what he had been taught as a teenager, although I believe he has stifled his feelings his whole life.
Anyway, what I’m getting to, is that I messed up a lot too even before leaving WCG for good. I had a baby when I wasn’t married, I drank a lot, I had a yearning for love that turned into meaningless sexual experiences. But I still believe that God brought me through all those difficult things and made me into a strong, smart, and human person. If I hadn’t had faith all those years I think things in my life would have been even worse. Now I have a beautiful 16 year old daughter who is precious and kind and sweet and who loves me. I’m married and have a new little daughter too. I even married a man who was in WCG and in YOU together with me. We understand the past and he knows how I feel without my having to explain why I don’t want to go to church this weekend. We do have a church we go to now in Eagle Rock, California, we love it, we are believers, we believe in the Grace that we were never taught.
So there is hope for some of us ex-WCGer kids, and I pray that we will all find peace within ourselves and forgive ourselves and our parents.
They know not what they do.
February 18th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
My home was very unloving to. Never saw my parents ever kiss, hug or show any jestures that they loved eachother. My sister and I were treated the same way. No hugs or love. Now as an adult I have a very hard time showing affection to anyone…even my own children. I have to force myself to do it. I can relate to eating pork or seafood by accident. It was like a drug. I remember going to taco bell and having to get a burritto with no beans because they contained lard or reading the back of cans of food at the grocery store to make sure it was pure. The worst was the days of unleavened bread when we had to clean the whole house for every speck of bread and eat those nasty mazta crackers. I hope I can find a way to show my children the love they need.