I relate to the whole-foods thing…I try to explain to my “hippy” friends how I can’t eat that stuff, but they don’t have the same associations we have. I think my immune system is permanently jacked due to all the Goldenseal I swallowed every morning of my life!

I knew things were screwed up in your household, but I had no idea how screwed up. I remember your dad coming over once to talk to my dad and he was a total mess. My dad was a total mess too! What a pair. They were funny together…my dad was pretty liberal so I think they could break loose a little together…drive fast and play Neil Diamond really loud…generally be “boys,” but sadly, they were also fathers and they were really out-to-lunch on that one.

Our household was pretty freakin’ nuts too. I didn’t endure the extreme violence that you did, but it served to turn my life upside down pretty well anyway. It was a very strange combination of physical and mental intimidation (those spankings were quite some doctrine), with misplaced sexual undercurrents, invoking the power of God as the glue of legitimacy.

The chaos between my father and I hit a high when I was 14 and thankfully my mother took us to a place of safety (my uncle’s house). The damage was done though and I sliced my wrists when I was 17, overwhelmed by depression, rage, feelings of worthlessness. Years and years and thousands of dollars of therapy…even the therapists don’t quite get it…it’s unique to cult-brand fear.

It was such a sad, sad time…the abuse of sweet little children who had nothing but open hearts and a willingness to please.

I know another little girl, a friend of mine whose house I had sleep-overs, was being abused by her father who was a deacon in my father’s church at the time. My father anointed the man! WTF? He was abusing his other children too. My outrage could never be voiced, or if it was at times in the form of fits of rage, I was certainly never heard…just punished.

I’m so sorry I was just a little girl too and was too controlled and terrified by my own “father of darkness” in order to really look around much. I know I lived in a fantasy world a lot of the time. I think it was a way of coping with the chaos and fear in my life.

My father has apologized on three occasions…general apologies in case he “did anything to hurt me” … I do try to take it to heart as best I can, but the scar is still there and it’s still so difficult to relate to him. Have you received any apologies?

It’s so great to hear you are doing well. I am too! but it hasn’t been easy getting here. Thank you so much for your honesty. I admire you. I relate to you. May your happiness grow every day.

Take best care,

Liz Dunlap
liz_dunlap@yahoo.com

P.S. The first time I saw you, you were crying in front of your TV watching Bambi…and then begging your mom to let you watch it again. You were a very sweet child…as we all were.

I remember you and oyur family from one FOT in the UK. How strange that as PKs we seemed to get the harshest treatment. I am also somewhat ashamed at the fact that we did not share these experiences with fellow “sufferers” at the time. I would have found the whole growing up in the WWCG a great deal less emotionally hurtful if I could have just shared my experiences with someone else who could relate. Only after reading blogs do I realise the great similarity in the emotional problems that we shared and that still have an effect today. Glad to read that your are doing well. Appreciate your honesty. The upside of the whole experience is that I am a great deal more of an independant thinker than most people that I meet who never had to deal with theWWCG!

I too grew up in WCG. While my life was spared, it took 8 years of weekly sessions to overcome the pain depression and anger. I am glad that I had a spouse that stayed with me through that, and some very patient psychologists and spiritual directors (two nuns).

I came to see that going back to that type environment was no different than adult children of alcoholics returning home. The old “tapes” seem to start running again and the feelings of humiliation and sadness return. Therefore, even though there are folks that I dearly love still in WCG, UCG and other groups (along with the “turkeys” - to state it nicely), there is just too much emotional baggage to ever return.

We are in a good place now, and thinking about our own kids’ lives and how different they are not to have any context for Herbert W Armstrong, or Ambassador College.

That was the one thing that made a difference for me. Realizing that HWA is meerly a historic curiosity to our kids, and that they really do not have to have the fear that we grew up under.

All the best to you, Melissa… And to Debra. Debra, I believe that the scars from growing up in certain parts of WCG (some pastors worse than others), leave scars that are very deep and painful, including the self-doubt and lack of self worth. I still wrestle with it, and know many others that do as well. The only way to “overcome” it is to get away from it, and unfortunately for some of us we cannot get away from it because it is seared into us…

-dns

The WCG did at one time condemn divorce and remarriage, although it no longer does. Here is an overview of their history, which also mentions this. Their current teachings are here.

Some splinter groups such as this one still teach that there are only two legitimate grounds for divorce:

There are two specific biblical grounds for divorce given in the New Testament: First, Jesus plainly said that “sexual immorality” [porneia] was sufficient grounds for divorce (Matt. 19:9 NKJV). The principle involved here is “fraud” of one type or the other, and could include fornication, harlotry, un-repented acts of adultery, homosexuality, or other perversions. The principle of fraud could also include other types of intentional fraud—such as a fraudulent marriage contracted solely for financial reasons, or a “marriage” to a citizen of a country solely to gain citizenship into that country. Of course, a Christian should be willing to forgive a mate who had committed porneia—if he or she believed the erring spouse had truly repented.

Second, Christ inspired the Apostle Paul’s epistle to the Corinthians, revealing that if an unbelieving mate was not pleased to dwell with his/her believing spouse, then the believer would no longer be considered “bound” (douloo) to his partner (1 Cor. 7:12-15).

Unfortunately, in teachings of this kind, violence per se does not appear to be one of the conditions.

Best wishes to you and your client.

HELP I need to help her get beyond this. Can you or anyone help me with this.?

If I didn’t have a permanent anti-religion and anti-authoritarian scar slashed into my soul, I’d join one of their churches, only casually, though. The people in some of those churches are some of the nicest folks you’ll ever meet, and not just at church. But the WCG and the PCG? Their leaders belong in asylums and their followers need to get some professional help FAST. My mother’s local pastor came by for a visit, and for some reason, I felt this strange sense of foreboding as soon as he came through the door. He seemed to be like one of those people who are clean-cut and upright on the outside, but hides a sick, twisted person under the surface.

My mother was (and still is) a hard-core PCG fanatic who hangs on every word the ministers say and never questions them. She thinks that she’s “proven to herself” the church’s doctrines and the words of the bible, but it’s madness. I never bought into the whole spiel myself; no god who claims to be loving and infinitely compassionate would allow such destructive and abusive behavior to happen to its followers. She’s not as hard-core as she used to be, though. (I think she’s just tired of being so upset at everything and everyone, so she’s more mellow these days).

I feel bad about what you went through, but it sounds like you’ve made it out of the hell that is Herbert W. Armstrong’s sect/church with your mind and soul intact. I only hope that you can remain that way for the remainder of your time on Earth.