Greg Resler
Hi all! I was laying in bed last night, unable to sleep. For some reason I started thinking about the “Church” and how much I missed the childhood friends that I had. I missed the feeling of the childhood excitement of going to the feast. These feelings started leading to anger, deep sadness, and pain brought on by other memories. I have been out of the WCG for 12 years now, but the feelings still lie just beneath the surface.
My parents started attending WCG in 1969 when I was 2 years old. I don’t remember much of these early years. I do remember my parents sending back birthday and Christmas presents from my relatives, and the corresponding confusion on their part. My grade school years were filled with awkward moments when it came to birthdays and any “worldly” holidays. Eventually my class mates stopped even trying to include me in any of these events. By 6th grade I became what the WCG would call “separate” from the world. My only friends were in the church, I became a recluse, and nearly an outcast but for the tentative links to the other people on the fringes.
My teenage years were not much better. My only friends were in the church. I was excluded and teased by my school mates about my strange beliefs. I went to SEP two times. The first time I went, I remember being accused of having a bad attitude while playing basketball by an AC student counselor. I was actually enjoying myself up to that point in time, it was baffling to me. The second time I went to SEP I got stuck in the Measles quarantine. (I think it was 1984). I guess that is what you get when very few are immunized. I had to stay an extra 4 days after we were supposed to go home before I was “released”. At the end we were lucky to get 2 meals a day. Most of the time we only got one meal. It seems that after camp was supposed to be over, they didn’t feel like they had to feed us consistently. I had thoughts of “borrowing” a canoe in the middle of the night and paddling into town to call my parents to come and get me. A year later I saw one of my dorm mates from camp at the ministerial hospitality room at the feast in the Wisconsin Dells. I was “serving” at the time. I was severely chastised by my minister for saying “Hi” to him. I was told that the ministers and their families and friends were “special” and I could not speak to them unless spoken to. I remember feeling very angry about this and the logical side of me saying this is just wrong!
I met my wife in the church (one of the very good things I got from being in WCG). We dated for several years at which point the WCG forced us not to see each other, due to the fact that my wife was baptized, and I was not. I was amazed an angered at this. I spent the next seven months studying to be baptized so we could see each other again. We should have left then, but our families would have disowned us. My first son was born a year after we were married. Fortunately for us we had similar feelings and beliefs about things. We were in our third tithe year on my entry level mechanics salary. We had to use a charge card to buy food and diapers for our son. We lived in a series of really awful apartments over the years due to the financial drain of the church. I believe we still feel the shadow of the financial impact even today - 12 years post departure. We finally were forced to talk to the minister about our financial situation. There was no way we could continue to tithe and still survive. He told us to keep tithing, and he would give us financial assistance if we couldn’t make it work (accented with a bit of guilt for good measure.). We finally took a bit of a stand. We discontinued tithing - because there was NO way we could make it. We didn’t tell our parents for fear of the impending “Lake of fire” discussion. This was around the time when the church started to change. Joe Tkach Sr. was preaching the more mainstream path, my wife and I were somewhat interested. My parents and our present Minister were completely against it. Instead of leaving directly - our minister stayed around for several months until he was able to secure a JOB with one of the “splinter” groups. During this job hunting time we were graced with the pleasure of the minister sulking in the back hallway whenever a guest minister was preaching the new path, or enduring comments like “I don’t agree with this - but I was told I had to speak about it” during the service. We watched families splinter around us, (including my own for a brief time), long time friends that would not even talk to each other, and my father said he was worried I would burn in the lake of fire.
We got a new minister who spent most of his sermons complaining about how the church moved him around so much, and that he can’t even gain any equity in his house. Also he said that if our membership dropped any more there would no longer be a church in our area, we would have to go it on our own. (I assume he would be transferred again or lose his job.) In light of all this we were more and more frequently missing church, and I started to feel as though there were blinders being lifted from my eyes.
Our last feast of tabernacles was in Hot Springs Arkansas. (It seems I was struggling to let this tradition go as yet). We arrived to find a virtual ghost town. No one rolling out the red carpet for good old WCG any more. We quickly decided not to attend the services (not many people there). We played with the kids (now 2 sons) in the hotel room for a couple of days after finding nothing else to do. Then we packed up and went home - never to return to WCG (or any other religious organization) again.
I feel that organized religion has nothing to do with spirituality or god for that matter. I am still most certainly impacted by my experiences in the church. I have trouble making friends, I have trouble partaking in social events with my co-workers. I find that I still “separate” myself subconsciously. I have trouble celebrating Christmas with my own children, but want them to have good childhood memories. On the other hand, I feel lucky to have been able to “See the light”, and understand what I was once part of. It was a freeing experience after spending my entire life up to that point in a cult.
I truly appreciate all of my childhood friends, and wish all of you who had similar experiences in WCG much freedom, health, and healing. Thank you Robert, for creating this forum.
My name is Greg Resler. Feel free to email me: shadowyak@canoemail.com
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