Comments on: Zada Doak Leon http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89 Losing Faith in Faith Since 1997 Thu, 08 Jan 2009 23:16:26 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.2 By: Once a hostage; now free. http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9707 Once a hostage; now free. Sun, 21 Dec 2008 20:32:31 +0000 http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9707 How moving Zada. I was young during the Garner Ted years and wasn't spared either under the doctrine promoting child abuse (GTA had a booklet promoting it). That the existing organization or the splinter groups haven't "sighed and cried" in proportion to the severity of regular beatings we had as children is yet further proof of their lack of integrity, their poverty of reason, and their utter ignorance...and heartlessness. I hold the leaders responsible. They are like war criminals. And they soldier on dependent on the groups of followers who depend on being controlled. I don't think I'll ever get over it. I have too much heart for that...and a memory for the decades of abuse. Religion is dead to me. I'm glad to be alive and thriving in the real world. I am heavy with sadness for the sufferings of so many. May the chains of ignorance and abuse continue to be broken, and may the leaders go to the hell of their creation. They are as despicable as Hitler. I don't live a live of rage, but will mindfully cast them into their fitting place of torment. A Free Man (Secular Humanist, Bright, Mensan Former AU grad, AU faculty) How moving Zada. I was young during the Garner Ted years and wasn’t spared either under the doctrine promoting child abuse (GTA had a booklet promoting it). That the existing organization or the splinter groups haven’t “sighed and cried” in proportion to the severity of regular beatings we had as children is yet further proof of their lack of integrity, their poverty of reason, and their utter ignorance…and heartlessness.

I hold the leaders responsible. They are like war criminals. And they soldier on dependent on the groups of followers who depend on being controlled.

I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. I have too much heart for that…and a memory for the decades of abuse.

Religion is dead to me. I’m glad to be alive and thriving in the real world. I am heavy with sadness for the sufferings of so many. May the chains of ignorance and abuse continue to be broken, and may the leaders go to the hell of their creation. They are as despicable as Hitler. I don’t live a live of rage, but will mindfully cast them into their fitting place of torment.

A Free Man
(Secular Humanist, Bright, Mensan
Former AU grad, AU faculty)

]]> By: Em http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9552 Em Sat, 22 Nov 2008 18:51:27 +0000 http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9552 <i>Comment removed: preaching/proseltyzing</i> <!-- Zada, It's terrible what happened to so many young people growing up in the church. I think there are many adults who will have to answer for their lack of discernment and mercy. I believe everything in balance and that wasn't used. Proper scriptural training of the Holy Days, Sabbath etc, as well as balanced dicipline done for the right reason (not just any reason) in love is Godly and ok. As far as feeling weird about our beliefs at school, yeah, we were different, but we stood for something. Other Christian children not associated with WWCG have stood up for their God and for purity too-not just WWCG members. In life we have to make sacrifices to honor God - the majority of people don't believe or even have any convictions. Remember the girl at the Columbine School shooting? When asked by the killer if she believed in jesus now, she looked him in the eye and said "yes"! before being killed. (She wasn't in WWCG) Awful I know, but there is a reward for that bravery and loyalty if you believe that this life is short compared to all eternity with God in the life to come. These sacrifices will seem like nothing, but our reward and joy will be so full. You aren't a fool for believing the bible and Holy Days, etc. They can be good things and reveal the purpose of life. If one negelcts these teachings, then what do they believe the purpose of life is? What peace is there if you don't believe God and his future for us? Satan wins if we give up the truth because of other peoples lack of care and discernment. Not only does he wreck our childhoods, he then destroys our chance to believe the truth properly. He won the battle, and we lost the opportuntiy to show our parents how it should have been done. That's what I'm doing now. Believing the truth and raising my child properly to show how it should have been - all in balance, and I will not let anyone from the past take this opportunity from me just because they really messed up and didn't use common sense! No way! I lost out on a joyful childhood, I will not allow that to cause me to lose out on my life now or life in the future as a Firstfruit. The best way to combat what happened, is to be there in the kingdom and say "Jesus helped me to heal and do it right. Now let me show all of you how it should have been done". Again, it was absolutley wrong what adults did in WWCG days without going to God, having a realtionship with him to be able to discern the proper way to bring up kids. Many people did it right, and their kids still attend and live happy lives. They still believe. Some adults I know have repented deeply for what they did. I cry for all those who are pained by the past. I was too by some decisions my folks made and by what I witnessed. It isn't like that in some of the groups anymore. There is a deeper sense of right parenting that includes wisdom and mercy. Parents aren't regulated by the church anymore. The church doesn't get involved like they use to. It's a new era of the church. You can have truth and joy now. Even if your parents abandoned you, God never does. Parents need our mercy and forgiveness just like we all do for our mistakes too. The best way to combat the anger towards the leaders is to pray for a better future and pray for them, that God will forgive them. You'd be amazed how much control and peace you'll feel afterward. It's a healing. God comfort and bless you and heal your past. I care. --> Comment removed: preaching/proseltyzing

]]> By: Rhonda http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9464 Rhonda Tue, 04 Nov 2008 06:20:05 +0000 http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9464 Zada, I have copied a portion your letter "I was scared to tell her, and with good reason. She talked to the minister in her Church, and to my shock, she was allowed to continue talking to me and seeing me. ; She told me that if the minister had told her to cut me out of her life like she had her brother, she would have. Nothing that the Church had done up to this point hurt me as much as hearing my mother say that to me." As a reminder that I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!!!! It was your mother in this case but my father in mine.. I TRULY thought that he was not going to talk to me after I left the church.. I am in my 40's now and I still have not bared my thoughts of this betrayal !!! I am of course now an agnostic and could not imagine giving my children the thought that ANYTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THEM!!!! I hope to someday confront my father with your words .. so that he knows it's REAL and not just a random thought from HIS daughter.. THANK YOU .. I LOVE MY FATHER .. But I'm still working on the scars.. they affect EVERY PORTION of my life.. I have to now raise children .. who have an open mind and will not be interned into a CULT but yet have spirituality.. It's a hard line to walk.. I hope you are doing well with your walk Zada, I have copied a portion your letter “I was scared to tell her, and with good reason. She talked to the minister in her Church, and to my shock, she was allowed to continue talking to me and seeing me. ; She told me that if the minister had told her to cut me out of her life like she had her brother, she would have. Nothing that the Church had done up to this point hurt me as much as hearing my mother say that to me.”
As a reminder that I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!!!! It was your mother in this case but my father in mine.. I TRULY thought that he was not going to talk to me after I left the church.. I am in my 40’s now and I still have not bared my thoughts of this betrayal !!! I am of course now an agnostic and could not imagine giving my children the thought that ANYTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THEM!!!!
I hope to someday confront my father with your words .. so that he knows it’s REAL and not just a random thought from HIS daughter..
THANK YOU ..
I LOVE MY FATHER .. But I’m still working on the scars.. they affect EVERY PORTION of my life.. I have to now raise children .. who have an open mind and will not be interned into a CULT but yet have spirituality.. It’s a hard line to walk.. I hope you are doing well with your walk

]]> By: Tracey http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9439 Tracey Thu, 23 Oct 2008 22:00:24 +0000 http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9439 I stumbled across this site this afternoon and read your story. I didn't grow up in WWCoG but married someone who was raised in the Church since the age of 4 and left at he age of 20. He has told me seveval stories of his childhood that are similar to the things you mentioned here. I still find it shocking to know that you and others were treated like this in the name of "religion". Thank you for sharing your story. I stumbled across this site this afternoon and read your story. I didn’t grow up in WWCoG but married someone who was raised in the Church since the age of 4 and left at he age of 20. He has told me seveval stories of his childhood that are similar to the things you mentioned here. I still find it shocking to know that you and others were treated like this in the name of “religion”. Thank you for sharing your story.

]]> By: Doug http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9438 Doug Thu, 23 Oct 2008 17:17:21 +0000 http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9438 Wow, your story really rings true with me, as all your experiences mirror my own. I still have the paddle made by a carpenter church member that my mother used on us kids all those years ago. One difference though with me was that I truly believed at the time that the church was 100% right. It wasn't until I was attending Ambassador College in 1973 that I began to question if this was the true church. At least when I finally woke up, it was easier to reject all religion since I had been already taught that all the other religions were wrong. Wow, your story really rings true with me, as all your experiences mirror my own. I still have the paddle made by a carpenter church member that my mother used on us kids all those years ago.
One difference though with me was that I truly believed at the time that the church was 100% right. It wasn’t until I was attending Ambassador College in 1973 that I began to question if this was the true church. At least when I finally woke up, it was easier to reject all religion since I had been already taught that all the other religions were wrong.

]]> By: Steph http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9386 Steph Sat, 11 Oct 2008 23:22:46 +0000 http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9386 OMG Zada.. I just read about the paddle. My mom was best friends with the minister's wife in our congregation. She was a mean lady, LOL. She had somebody make her a thick wooden paddle with holes in it... this is in Los Angeles, so maybe you all made her this paddle? (poor thing!) Supposedly the holes made the thing move faster or hit harder.. and she used it on her daughter plenty! Well somewhere (maybe from you? Just teasin!) my mom decided we needed a paddle.. only I think ours was smooth wood with no holes. My dad broke it on my behind once. After that, I dont' think he spanked me again. My mom kept it up til I was 16. Nice, huh?) Imperial Schools was all about the corporal punishment. Parents had to sign a waiver giving permission to let their kids be spanked. My dad didn't sign it, but they didn't care.. they spanked anyway. OMG Zada.. I just read about the paddle. My mom was best friends with the minister’s wife in our congregation. She was a mean lady, LOL. She had somebody make her a thick wooden paddle with holes in it… this is in Los Angeles, so maybe you all made her this paddle? (poor thing!) Supposedly the holes made the thing move faster or hit harder.. and she used it on her daughter plenty! Well somewhere (maybe from you? Just teasin!) my mom decided we needed a paddle.. only I think ours was smooth wood with no holes. My dad broke it on my behind once. After that, I dont’ think he spanked me again. My mom kept it up til I was 16. Nice, huh?)

Imperial Schools was all about the corporal punishment. Parents had to sign a waiver giving permission to let their kids be spanked. My dad didn’t sign it, but they didn’t care.. they spanked anyway.

]]> By: Steph http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9385 Steph Sat, 11 Oct 2008 23:18:30 +0000 http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9385 It's sad to read stories like this. I feel sometimes like nobody would possibly understand what the church was like - and how I was raised - that I don't even bother trying. When I do tell people, it shocks them and makes them angry. I grew up in the church as well. I went to Imperial Schools (in Pasadena, CA) for 10 years, starting from its reopening in 1980-81. Having experienced kindergarten in a public school, and having to be kept out of holiday activities, I do remember some of what that's like. But going to the church's school for 10 years wasn't my idea of a good time, either. Either way, the most I got out of it was fear- be afraid of God, be afraid of the ministers, be afraid of your parents. It's amazing we're not all locked up in looney bins at this point. I no longer go to church. My last walk inside a church was the Feast of 1994. I pretty much don't buy into organized religion. I'm not willing to do what some guy with a suit and tie tells me to do- I can read the bible just as well as he can. As long as I am a good person, that's all that matters. It’s sad to read stories like this. I feel sometimes like nobody would possibly understand what the church was like - and how I was raised - that I don’t even bother trying. When I do tell people, it shocks them and makes them angry.

I grew up in the church as well. I went to Imperial Schools (in Pasadena, CA) for 10 years, starting from its reopening in 1980-81. Having experienced kindergarten in a public school, and having to be kept out of holiday activities, I do remember some of what that’s like. But going to the church’s school for 10 years wasn’t my idea of a good time, either. Either way, the most I got out of it was fear- be afraid of God, be afraid of the ministers, be afraid of your parents. It’s amazing we’re not all locked up in looney bins at this point.

I no longer go to church. My last walk inside a church was the Feast of 1994. I pretty much don’t buy into organized religion. I’m not willing to do what some guy with a suit and tie tells me to do- I can read the bible just as well as he can. As long as I am a good person, that’s all that matters.

]]> By: Steve http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9371 Steve Tue, 07 Oct 2008 17:16:48 +0000 http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9371 Your story was very sad, im a little younger then you but its interesting how I found the general theme of your story to be so similar to my own. I remember having those same feelings. School, Holydays etc. Your story was very sad, im a little younger then you but its interesting how I found the general theme of your story to be so similar to my own. I remember having those same feelings. School, Holydays etc.

]]> By: Allen C. Dexter http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9367 Allen C. Dexter Mon, 06 Oct 2008 15:11:55 +0000 http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9367 Your story was very moving. I'm a 1960 Ambassador graduate who left in the mid-seventies. I led both my sister and my parents into the organization. I knew your uncle, and my oldest son had a crush on a daughter of his. Jim squelched that when he tried to contact her years later. My children suffered similar lives to yours in their early years. I've written my story down and published it. If you would like to read it, I'll send you my Word file. My email address is: phylandal@qwestoffice.net. Your story was very moving. I’m a 1960 Ambassador graduate who left in the mid-seventies. I led both my sister and my parents into the organization. I knew your uncle, and my oldest son had a crush on a daughter of his. Jim squelched that when he tried to contact her years later. My children suffered similar lives to yours in their early years. I’ve written my story down and published it. If you would like to read it, I’ll send you my Word file. My email address is: phylandal@qwestoffice.net.

]]> By: Zada Doak Leon http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9365 Zada Doak Leon Sun, 05 Oct 2008 04:06:44 +0000 http://ironwolf.dangerousgames.com/exwcg/archives/89#comment-9365 Thank you. I'm the most angry about my Mother being so alone all those years of her life. Such a waste of the only life we have. I also remember someone in the Church making paddles for church members (about 1/2 inch thick, with a nice, sturdy handle on them)...my Mom broke it over my brother's butt. We had to bend over and grab our knees when we got spanked. I actually remember calling the minister one day to brag that I had been soooo good, I hadn't gotten spanked that day! How sad is that? I also went to the summer camp the Church had up in Minn. I got to take my first airplane flight to go there (I think I was 15). The girls and boys each had cabins on opposites of the lake (if I remember it correctly), and we had chores, but there was actual fun too. I clearly remember Garner Ted coming up and hosting a sing along by the campfires, and we were all so thrilled because GARNER TED was there! We were all like groupies or something. I also remember the counselor in my cabin actually SPANKING me because we had been told NOT to speak at night for any reason after the lights went out. One night, us girls heard wolves howling, and we whispered about how it scared us. The next morning, the counselor asked if anyone had talked after the lights went out, and I (like a fool) raised my hand and was honest, saying we were scared, etc. I got spanked in front of everyone in the cabin (3 swats) with one of those big wooden paddles. It was so humilitating. Funny how when I got home, all I could remember was the FUN. Sad, sad, sad. I am surprised at how emotional I still am about all this crap. I thought I had outgrown it or gotten over it. I clearly haven't. Btw, I have a picture of myself and Ronald Weinland at Bricket Wood in my photo album. I'm going to look him up on the web, I had no idea he turned out like he has. Wow. Thank you. I’m the most angry about my Mother being so alone all those years of her life. Such a waste of the only life we have.

I also remember someone in the Church making paddles for church members (about 1/2 inch thick, with a nice, sturdy handle on them)…my Mom broke it over my brother’s butt. We had to bend over and grab our knees when we got spanked. I actually remember calling the minister one day to brag that I had been soooo good, I hadn’t gotten spanked that day! How sad is that?

I also went to the summer camp the Church had up in Minn. I got to take my first airplane flight to go there (I think I was 15). The girls and boys each had cabins on opposites of the lake (if I remember it correctly), and we had chores, but there was actual fun too. I clearly remember Garner Ted coming up and hosting a sing along by the campfires, and we were all so thrilled because GARNER TED was there! We were all like groupies or something. I also remember the counselor in my cabin actually SPANKING me because we had been told NOT to speak at night for any reason after the lights went out. One night, us girls heard wolves howling, and we whispered about how it scared us. The next morning, the counselor asked if anyone had talked after the lights went out, and I (like a fool) raised my hand and was honest, saying we were scared, etc. I got spanked in front of everyone in the cabin (3 swats) with one of those big wooden paddles. It was so humilitating. Funny how when I got home, all I could remember was the FUN. Sad, sad, sad.

I am surprised at how emotional I still am about all this crap. I thought I had outgrown it or gotten over it. I clearly haven’t.

Btw, I have a picture of myself and Ronald Weinland at Bricket Wood in my photo album. I’m going to look him up on the web, I had no idea he turned out like he has. Wow.

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